Susan and Rob have been married for almost 30 years. They love each other and both are committed to keeping their relationship healthy.
But, Susan recently confided in her best friend that she feels like the passion is dying in her marriage. She reports to this friend that she and Rob go on occasional dates to the same restaurants, have a pretty similar routine from week to week, talk with one another about the same topics and even make love in just about the same way that they always do.
There’s nothing wrong with their marriage, but it’s just not as exciting as it used to be.
This worries Susan. She is concerned that with dwindling passion in their marriage, either she or Rob (or both of them) will become bored and look elsewhere for passion.
She doesn’t want this to happen!
When the passion fades or dies in a love relationship or marriage, it can be a sign that there are underlying problems in the relationship. One person may be harboring resentment or anger. Either or both of them might be holding back for some reason and this is creating distance in the relationship.
On the other hand, passion can lessen over time when there are no apparent relationship problems– it could be that the couple has just become fixed in a particular routine and the excitement is gone.
In either case, this is not the way that a long-term relationship has to be. A passionless relationship is not just a “natural” result of being with the same person for an extended period of time.
First of all, if you notice that there is less passion in your love relationship or marriage and you’d like to turn this around, start to pay close attention.
Clear up misunderstandings or hurt feelings that one or both of you might be trying to brush aside in order to avoid a confrontation. Get those resentments and irritations out into the open in healthy ways and find resolutions so that you and your mate can let them go.
Tap into your own passion for life.
In the space that has been created after you two release the old hurts and resentments, you can begin to cultivate more passion.
Start with you.
What is it that makes you feel more alive and excited about life? This might come from an activity that you do, learning something new or merely re-discovering why you were drawn to a particular path in the first place.
Find out what makes your heart beat a little faster and do more of that. This might be something you do with your partner and it may be something you do by yourself.
In either case, you can infuse your relationship or marriage with some of that renewed energy for living. Share the passion that you is newly stirring within you with your partner. Tap into the passion that he or she may have going on individually too.
Cultivate more appreciation.
There’s nothing more passion-inducing in a relationship than appreciation.
Think about it…
If you go to your favorite restaurant and eat the most delicious food and drink the tastiest drinks, you won’t enjoy any of it half as much if you aren’t appreciating the restaurant and the meal.
If, for example, you are so busy worrying about a phone call you received earlier in the day or if you are so caught up in a conversation you are having, you might just gobble down the food and drink without as much pleasure as it otherwise could have brought to you.
When you move through life with your partner always paying attention to other things or mostly focusing on what bothers you, the potential pleasure and excitement will be lost to you.
Go out of your way to find things to appreciate about your mate, your relationship and yourself. Let that appreciation give birth to more and more passion that you continue to feed and nurture.